This is a blog. It’s a tumblr. It’s a bunch of stuff that I thought up, typed out, and posted on the goddamned internet. The part you’re reading right now is the preface/epilogue. Maybe you’ve been following me for awhile and you’ve already read all 1000 posts and you’re wondering, what the hell happened to theknifebusiness? So this would be the epilogue. But maybe I just sent you this shitty link and so you’re reading this trying to figure out what the hell it is. And you’re wondering, what the hell is theknifebusiness? So this is the preface.
This tumblr thing got started because of a girl. I was either going out with this girl, or maybe I was just having sex with her, or maybe I was just trying to have sex with her, or maybe I was in the friendzone or something. But there was this girl. And this girl was a writer. And I don’t know how exactly it went, but she probably just said at one point, “Start a tumblr.” She was in the habit of suggesting things and I was in the habit of doing those things.
So I started this tumblr, and that girl was the audience. It wasn’t like I was doing this only to please her, or like I was doing it only because I thought it might somehow make her more open to the possibility of having sex with me. But that was the initial, basic motivation. And just for the record, I did, at some point, and more than once, end up having sex with that girl. So shout out to the inventor of tumblr.com for that one.
It turns out there are other girls on tumblr. Some of them, according to my imagination, and according to the law of probability, are pretty cute. Some are actually quite beautiful. So I kept this tumblr thing up for 2 years or so, occasionally picking up a follower or two, some of which were attractive girls. And though these other beautiful tumblr girls lived far across the country, and sex with them was a near impossibility, it was only slightly less possible than sex with any girl I happened to know in real life, and so they too were muses for my writing. You can see from the messages pictured above that some of these attractive girls are actually obsessed with me and want to get to know me if I send them my credit card number.
And so you can start here and work your way back, or you can jump back to the beginning and work your way up, or you can hit the random button, until you’re bored or confused, or you can just not read any more at all. There’s 1000 posts. When I first started posting, it was just all random. In the end, I had no filter, and it was random. But in the middle there’re a few coherent storylines. If you read close you might catch a few leitmotifs and a little bit of character development. It’s best to picture yourself (if you don’t already) as an attractive female. Because that’s how I picture you, the audience. To me you’re an attractive (and single) female. In fact, I picture you as my soul mate. Eventually I will meet my soul mate. And I’ll send her this link. And through my tumblr, and my mesmerizing good looks, and some XTC, she will fall in love with me.
In the meantime I stopped having sex with that original tumblr girl. And so that’s pretty much why I stopped posting here. I moved my shit to some other social media site called facebook. Yes, there was a girl involved in that decision too. And no, despite my inane posts, we haven’t had, and probably never will, have sex. Sad face.
But the tumblr is still here, and you can read this shit if you want. And for those of you who already read my shit, and even though you probably aren’t my soulmate, my facebook is here: http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1197953297 And you can read that shit if you want.
And so the main point is, this is all for the girls. Originally it was for a girl, I stayed because of girls, I left because of a girl, but it’s really just all for the girl. Maybe the only real reason I write at all is for girls. Not that it means anything, or has ever gotten me anywhere, or has had any effect on any girl. It just means it’s why I write. The byproduct is that the rest of you who aren’t girls, or who aren’t my soul mate still get to enjoy these retarded ramblings. And every couple of months I go back and read this shit too. And quite honestly, I crack myself up.
It’s not really necessary that I wrote this preface/epilogue, because it all stands on its own anyway. It’s not necessary that I sent you this link or that you followed me, because I probably barely know you and even in the best scenario you might slightly chuckle or nod your head and then just move on to something else. It’s not necessary that I wrote any of this or that it exists at all, because it already existed in my head before I wrote any of it, and it was probably in a more ideal form in my head before I decided to type it all out. The tumblr.com, and the internet, and the world at large is neither better or worse because I typed this out and posted it. But I did type it all out, and I did post it, and it does exist. And whether it has any meaning for you, or for me, or for the capacity of the tumblr.com servers, this exists unto itself for no further meaning than that it exists now, existed before, and really, has and always will exist.
These fragments I have shored against my ruins, bitches, and so we beat on, boats against the mutherfucking current, borne back ceaselessly into the past!